Dominance, is often a misunderstood personality trait. Historically, it’s been associated by negative and undesirable traits. In media, you have a spectrum from 50 shades of grey to that bad boss in Wanted. When in actuality, the trait is a spectrum from good to bad. However, the fact remains that anyone with a dominant personality trait also comes with great expectations. After all, if you have a dominant personality and accomplish nothing – you’re an asshole.
What it’s not
In laws around guns, there’s a concept called “Brandishing”. Brandishing is the act of unnecessary and unlawful display of a defensive firearm. It’s intimidating and showing threat which is wholly unnecessary and not needed in today’s society. When thinking about the outcomes, there really is nothing good can come from brandishing. When thinking of dominance, people think similarly. Outside of the bedroom and intimate activities, showcasing dominance is misinterpreted and misunderstood on what it truly is.
As an example, someone who isn’t naturally dominant will showcase an aggressive nature when feeling threatened. That is not dominance in any way, shape, or form. Instead, that’s misinterpretation of a flight or fight response. The individual chose fight. Unnecessary in most cases and we’re seeing it all too often.
Instead, the dominant personality is unbothered by trivial activities. They are purely focused on themselves and those who they take care of. The line between a good natured and bad natured dominant personality teeters depending on the situation. Aggression and manipulation are grey areas as they are interchangeable with words like influence and accomplished, only to be adjusted based on your moral compass. Narcissists are an example of a bad dominant personality. On the other side, good natured dominant personalities are not described because there is not much known about them.
So what does a good dominant personality look like?
Actual good dominance resembles apathy in reality. It is the parallel to an elephant doing whatever it wishes because all threats are truly not threats to it. It is having the strength but the utmost control over emotions. You can be a friendly person while being dominant leading after all. You can also be kind without losing a thing in terms of respect or being seen as subservient. If you feel that these are contradictory, likely you’re dealing with some insecurities which is fixable.
If I were to describe dominance, it is the personality and drive that is closely associated with the primal nature of humans. A true dominant does not exert their will through purely physical means but also has the utmost confidence to not feel threatened by trivial matters. It may appear as extreme apathy but in reality true dominance contains profound empathy. Think of a good dominant as an Type A personality that is both kind and empathetic.
How to identify someone with a good dominant personality?
If you are to meet such an individual you will feel:
- Heard. Communication is important to those who align to the dominant trait. It is important to them.
- Safe. No one ever should feel unsafe in the hands of one who is aligned to the dominant trait. Threats and insults closely align to immaturity and insecurities.
- Factual. Those who truly align to the dominant trait do not gas light or make up incorrect facts. They are truth seekers and logical by nature. Those who misuse the dominant trait are narcissists.
- Loved. They acknowledge your shortcomings but are not bothered by it. They don’t see it as a challenge to fix, but instead view it as a trait.
They will exhibit the following noble traits:
- Honesty. Since they have little that bothers them, they are truthful and transparent. Their desires are made known to you and it’s up to you to fulfill them or reject them. They are not bothered by your choice as they have the emotional capacity for rejection.
- Tenacity. While this may come off as pushy, it is simply the pursuit of something that they want. Drive and ambition are often paired with relentlessness to accomplish the things they want to after all.
- Decisive. They often act first and contemplate second unless planning is required. While there’s things they wish they can take back, it’s often a non-issue they ruminate over to become better.
- Growth. You cannot provide all of the above without progression. It’s the pursuit of self-development that continues to make this trait so desirable.